The 14 Hour Flight from Hell

Torture device disguised as a plane.

Well, it's official. Worst. Flight. Ever.

This was my first time flying United on a long haul, Sydney to Los Angeles, however, I've flown with them on transcontinental US flights many times.

After arriving at Sydney airport, I lined up to see if I could change my seat from an aisle near the back of the plane to my preferred window seat. Sadly, the flight was oversold to the point that they were asking people to take vouchers in lieu of the flight. Not an option for me as I was transiting onto a flight to Boston within three hours of arrival.

I got the seat change; an upgrade to Premium Economy. Great! To a middle seat. Definitely not great. I took it because I was hoping I might be able to convince the window sitter to swap. I'm a leaner, otherwise I can't sleep. I knew an aisle was going to be tough, but I had no idea how bad a middle seat can be.

Prior to this flight, I had always gotten my window seat near the front economy. More often than not, I also got the middle or even middle and aisle seats free so that I can (somewhat) stretch out. Even if it's only the window seat, I usually sleep between 1/4 to 3/4 of the 14 hour trip.

This time I was wedged in between Window Seat Guy (WSG) and Aisle Seat Guy (ASG). WSG was nice, but when I asked him if he specifically wanted the window, he said yes. He then proceeded to break the cardinal rule of window seats, which is 'you must lean at least once'... he sat up working the whole flight. I could have killed him. I was trying to get comfortable, which was completely impossible. I spent the entire 14, very, very long hours with my arms crossed as ASG was taking up my arm rest.

Now onto ASG... let's call him 'Mr Farty Pants,' I certainly do. Not only did he sit on an angle so that he encroached on my space more than he should have, he also crop-dusted us with 'silent but deadlies' the whole flight, at frequent and regular intervals. If you are ever unsure where they are coming from, look for the only person not gasping and holding their nose.

So, yes, I was forced to sit upright and awake the whole looonnnng flight, dodging noxious fumes and trying (and failing) to find a comfortable position. Every time I looked at my watch thinking surely we must be close to landing, it was still 10 hours, then 9, then 8... it truly seemed to be never ending.

(Please understand, I don't blame United... well, come to think of it, I do. They oversold the flight and I blame them for having the most uncomfortable seats I have ever experienced. My coccyx was aching to the point were sitting on an ice pack was required in order to get to sleep that night.)

Finally, we arrived at LAX. It then only took me one hour to pass through border control, collect my bag, clear customs, walk to the Delta terminal for my Boston flight, get my boarding pass, line up for bag drop, go through security again and fail to change seats again. Another oversold flight – sigh – but I wasn't complaining, as I had a window seat even if it was near the back of the plane.

I was so tired, that as soon as I got on board, I propped my travel pillow up against that window, donned my eye mask and dozed the entire five-hour flight. I arrived to a lightly raining Boston evening feeling human; albeit with a really sore bum after 25 hours of travel.